Startled Awake with a Story Idea – SOLSC Day #6

Have you ever been woken up with a scene in your head?  I’ve been working on my action scenes, and I woke up to one this morning at 4:05 AM.  I tried to go back to sleep, but I knew that I would forget parts of it.  So, I wrapped myself in a blanket and headed for my computer.

Here’s an excerpt what I wrote:

Four minutes into the third period, and the action looks exactly the same as the first two periods.  Shultzy fires a shot from the blue line, which sails two feet over the goalie’s head.  It’s like a game of air hockey.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.

“Griff, get us a goal.” Coach taps my helmet.

Before I’m over the wall, they’re on me with a double team.  It’s been this way all night.  Two skates up and down the ice and I can’t shake them. As the official turns his back and heads up ice, the defenseman smacks me in the right ankle for about the hundredth time tonight.  This one connects above the skate and sends a sharp pain up my leg.  I can’t take this anymore.

The puck lands on my stick in the right corner, and I’ve got a plan.  My shadows are on both side of me, and the “ankle breaker” is now poking me in the hip with the butt of his stick.  The only way to lose them is to give them the puck.  A little fake stumble and the puck drops into the defender’s stick.  They immediately head for opposite sides of the ice as they race towards our goal.  They’re finally apart.

I don’t waste any time chasing down the puck carrier and steal it back as easily as I gave it to him.  My other shadow is on the far boards.  With the puck out in front of me, it’s my time to race to the goal.

The only thing between the goalkeeper and I is a sheet of ice.  As I dribble the puck back and forth on my stick, I use a burst to get away from the charging defenders.  At the last second, I put the puck on the right side of my stick and rip a slap shot towards the top shelf of the goal.  It connects with the right corner of the net.

Just as the light behind the goal turns green, I’m tripped from behind and slide into the wall at full speed.  Thud.  Both defenders slide into the boards with me.  As I begin to stand, a glove pounds the right side of my face and helmet.  The glove catches me on the corner of the eye.  Back to the ice I fall and can only see black out of my right eye.  My face tingles.

With blurry vision, I can make out Devin racing towards us with a scowl on his face.  I jump up, still seeing stars, and grab the front of his jersey.

“I’m goin’ kill him for cheap shotin’ you.” He screams.

I push him with all of my might.  My head still spinning out of control.  “Thanks, but no you’re not.  If we fight back, they’ll toss us.” I continue to push until he calms down.

We skate over to the bench as the referee throws the defender out of the game.  He follows us to the middle of the ice.

*So that’s my action scene for a cold and snowy Wednesday morning. I’m looking forward to revising and more writing tonight. Off to teach the kids!

6 thoughts on “Startled Awake with a Story Idea – SOLSC Day #6

  1. Your writing is so high energy- it seems as if you are, too :). Vivid action writing. I especially like. The use of nicknames- my 2 shadows and ankle-breaker. It helps me follow the action.
    Is this an example of write what you know? You really put your reader into the game.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Fran! I have been writing this story for about four months. I have read every middle grade sports book, and I realized that there are so few about hockey. This school year, I have a bunch of hockey players, so they’ve inspired me to write a story that I have been thinking about for a long time. The cool part is that I can ask the boys for feedback about specific hockey scenes. I can also ask them questions about the equipment and about game experiences. It helps me develop my main character. Thank you again for the feedback. I greatly appreciate it.


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